That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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