it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cannot find my penis.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
