I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
