She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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