he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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