we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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