a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
