She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found puke in my bra..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
