If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
