I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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