Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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