I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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