Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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