if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize