Umm I'm too high to move.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
