i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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