I can't watch pbs sober anymore
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize