Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
