we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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