is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
