i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
