Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
