I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
