he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
