Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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