The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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