I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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