She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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