you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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