I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
