shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
