I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
