Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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