I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
