Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
