I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
