Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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