am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
