yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
