It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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