I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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