Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
