So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
