I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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