My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize