Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
