We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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