Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
