Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
