that's an acceptable place to lick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
