Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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