Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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