My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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