can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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