the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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