i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A bitchslap is in order.
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