Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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