I wanna bring you to show and tell
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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