You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
