So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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