I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize