who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why do cheetos always look like penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
