Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
