I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
