omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
