I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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