you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
