My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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