I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
