apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
