Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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