I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kissed a someone with a penis
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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